Now Listening to: Leaving Hope (piano version), a Nine Inch Nails remix
I really don’t have much to say, or much motivation to say it.
On Friday night, two girls from AF got in a car crash. I went to school with Kaylee, who was relatively uninjured. Her sister (a few years younger) died on the scene. Kaylee goes to school here at Utah State.
Saturday morning I ran 10 miles. I felt like puking. I couldn’t breathe. I took a minute to bend over and breathe at mile 8, and kept running. Running usually feels good, this was hell on a treadmill.
Saturday afternoon I went to Taylorsville with Katie, Molly, Courtney and Dallin. We hung out at Katie’s house, and had fun carving pumpkins for a few hours at Courtney’s house. I carved Vivi.
That night Shane, Dallin, Tanner and I picked up Lonny before going to Shane’s house for the night.
Sunday afternoon I went home for about 30 minutes to get my car and see my family. My dog (Cosmo) has been my best bud for about 7 years. He’d been sick for 3 days, and he looked thin. He had lost control of his bodily functions and just moped around. I held him most of the time I was home, before my mom took him to go see a Vet.
We drove back to Logan, life was good again.
I got the call on main and 300 north. It wasn’t a long call. Apparently Cosmo had diabetes.
I pulled over, my Dad’s voice was scaring me.
Dogs his size get really sick if his glucose levels went over 2000. His were roughly 6000.
I stopped talking back.
The most we could ask for was another year of life, while he suffered and died. He’d need constant care.
I shook.
He’d be in so much pain, the only choice was to put him to sleep.
Silence.
The phone call ended sometime, and I squeezed my phone till I thought my hand would explode. Somehow I got to the passenger seat, shaking. Dallin drove the rest of the way home.
I didn’t sleep. I wasn’t awake.
Tears eventually ran out and I got a migraine. I lay alone in a dark room for countless hours.
My music kept me sane.
The Devil and God are raging inside me.
David, I am sorry. We all loved Cosmo .. the only dog that would interact with the movie while we watched it. I remember how much he hated helicopters. And guns. And I guess anything “loud.” But, all the same .. I’m really sorry.
-Blake
I tried calling you last night to check on you, I’ll try again later today after I’m out of class. Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you bro. I love you man.